One of
the saddest and most tragic features of our twentieth-century
"Civilization" is the awful prevalence of disobedience on the part of
children to their parents during the days of childhood,
and their lack of reverence and respect when they grow up. This is evidenced in
many ways, and is general, alas, even in the families of professing Christians.
In his extensive travels during the past thirty years the writer has sojourned
in a great many homes. The piety and beauty of some of them remain as sacred
and fragrant memories, but others of them have left the most painful impressions. Children who are self-willed or spoiled,
not only bring themselves into perpetual unhappiness but also inflict
discomfort upon all who come into contact with them, and auger, by their
conduct, evil things for the days to come.
In the
vast majority of cases the children are not nearly so much
to be blamed as the parents. Failure to honor father and mother, wherever it is
found, is in large measure due to parental departure from the Scriptural
pattern. Nowadays the father thinks that he has fulfilled his obligations by
providing food and raiment for his children, and by acting occasionally as a
kind of moral policeman. Too often the mother is content to
be a domestic drudge, making herself the slave of her children instead of
training them to be useful. She performs many a task which her daughters should
do in order to allow them freedom for the frivolities of a giddy set. The
consequence has been that the home, which ought to be—for its orderliness, its
sanctity, and its reign of love—a miniature heaven on earth, has degenerated
into "a filling station for the day and a parking
place for the night," as someone has tersely expressed it.
Before
outlining the duties of parents toward their children, let it be pointed out
that they cannot properly discipline their children unless they have first
learned to govern themselves. How can they expect to
subdue self-will in their little ones and check the rise of an angry temper if
their own passions are allowed free reign? The character of parents is to a
very large degree reproduced in their offspring:
"And
Adam lived a hundred and thirty years and begat a son in
his
own
likeness, after his image" (Genesis 5:3).
The
parent must himself or herself be in subjection to God if he would lawfully
expect obedience from his little ones. This principle is enforced in Scripture
again and again:
"Thou
therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself?" (Romans
2:20).
Of the
bishop, that is, elder or pastor, it is written that he
must be
"one
that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all
gravity. For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take
care of the church of God?" (1 Timothy 3:5, 6).
And if
a man or woman knows not how to rule his own spirit (Proverbs 25:28), how shall
he care for his offspring.
God
has entrusted to parents a most solemn charge, and yet a most precious
privilege. It is not too much to say that in their hands
are deposited the hope and blessing, or else the curse and plague, of the next
generation. Their families are the nurseries of both Church and State, and
according to the cultivating of them now will be their fruitfulness
hereafter. Oh, how prayerfully and
carefully should you who are parents discharge your trust. Most assuredly God
will require an account of the children from your hands,
for they are His, and only lent to your care and keeping. The task assigned you
is no easy one, especially in these superlatively evil days. Nevertheless, if trustfully and earnestly
sought, the grace of God will be found sufficient in this responsibility as in
others. The Scriptures supply us with rules to go by, with promises to lay hold
of, and, we may add, with fearful warnings lest we treat
the matter lightly.
INSTRUCT YOUR CHILDREN
We
have space to mention but four of the principal duties devolving on parents.
First, it is your duty to instruct your children.
"And
these words which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou
shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou
sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest
down, and when thou risest up" (Deuteronomy 6:6, 7).
This
work is far too important to allocate to others; parents, and not Sabbath
School teachers, are Divinely required to educate their little ones. Nor is this to be an occasional or sporadic
thing, but one that is to have constant attention. The glorious character of
God, the requirements of His holy Law, the exceeding
sinfulness of sin, the wondrous gift of His Son, and the fearful doom which is
the certain portion of all who despise and reject Him are to be brought
repeatedly before the minds of your little ones. "They are too young to
understand such things" is the Devil’s argument to deter you from
discharging your duty.
"And
ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the
nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
It is
to be noted that the "fathers" are here specifically addressed, and
this for two reasons:
(1) because they are the heads of their families and their government
is especially committed to them; and
(2) because they are prone to transfer this duty
to their wives.
This
instruction is to be given by reading to them the Holy Scriptures and enlarging
upon those things most agreeable to their age. This should be followed by
catechizing them. A continued discourse to the young is not nearly so effective
as when it is diversified by questions and answers. If
they know they will be questioned on what you read, they will listen more
closely, and the formulating of answers teaches them to think for themselves.
Such a method is also found to make the memory more retentive, for answering
definite questions fixes more specific ideas in the mind. Observe how often
Christ asked His disciples questions.
BE A GOOD EXAMPLE
Second,
good instruction is to be accompanied by good example. That teaching which
issues only from the lips is not at all likely to sink any
deeper than the ears. Children are particularly quick to detect inconsistencies
and to despise hypocrisy. It is at this point that parents need to be most on
their faces before God, daily seeking from Him that grace that they so sorely
need and that He alone can supply. What care you need to take, lest you say or
do anything before your children that would tend to
corrupt their minds or be of evil consequence for them to follow! How you need
to be constantly on your guard against anything which might render you mean and
contemptible in the eyes of those who should respect and revere you! The parent
is not only to instruct his children in the ways of holiness, but is himself to
walk before them in those ways, and
show by his practice and demeanor what a pleasant and
profitable thing it is to be regulated by the Divine Law.
In a
Christian home the supreme aim should be household piety—the honoring of God at
all times. Everything else must be subordinated to this high purpose. In the
matter of family life, neither husband nor wife can throw
on the other all the responsibility for the religious character of the home.
The mother is most certainly required to supplement the efforts of the father,
for the children enjoy far more of her company than they do of his. If there is
a tendency in fathers to be too strict and severe, mothers are prone to be too
lax and lenient; and they need to be much on their guard
against anything which would weaken their husband’s authority. When he has
forbidden a thing, she must not give her consent to it. It is striking to note
that the exhortation of Ephesians 6:4 is preceded by instruction to "be
filled with the Spirit" (5:18), while the parallel exhortation in
Colossians 3:21 is preceded by the exhortation to "let the Word of Christ
dwell in you richly" (v. 16), showing that parents
cannot possibly discharge their duties unless they are filled with the Spirit
and the Word.
DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN
Third,
instruction and example is to be enforced by correction
and discipline. This means, first of all, the exercise of authority—the proper
reign of Law. Of "the father of the faithful" God said,
"For
I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and
they shall keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment;
that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him"
(Genesis 18:19).
Ponder
this carefully, Christian fathers. Abraham did more than proffer good advice;
he enforced law and order in his household. The rules he administered had for
their design the keeping of "the way of the
Lord"—that which was right in His sight. And this duty was performed by
the patriarch in order that the blessing of God might rest on his family. No
family can be properly brought up without household laws, which include reward
and punishment, and these are especially important in early childhood, when as
yet moral character is unformed and moral motives are not understood
or appreciated.
Rules
should be simple, clear, reasonable, and inflexible like the Ten Commandments—a
few great moral rules, instead of a multitude of petty restrictions. One way of
needlessly provoking children to wrath is to hamper them with a thousand trifling restrictions and minute regulations that are capricious
and are due to a fastidious temper in the parent. It is of vital importance for
the child’s future good that he or she should be brought into subjection at an
early age. An untrained child means a lawless adult. Our prisons are crowded
with those who were allowed to have their own way during their minority. The
least offense of a child against the rulers of the home
ought not to pass without due correction, for if he finds leniency in one
direction or toward one offense he will expect the same toward others. And then
disobedience will become more frequent till the parent has no control save that
of brute force.
The
teaching of Scripture is crystal clear on this point.
"Foolishness
is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far
from him" (Proverbs 22:15; and cf. 23:13, 14).
"He
that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him
betimes (speedily)" (Proverbs 13:24).
"Chasten
thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying"
(Proverbs 19:18).
Let
not a foolish fondness stay thee. Certainly God loves His
children with a much deeper parental affection that you can love yours, yet He
tells us,
"As
many as I love, I rebuke and chasten" (Revelation 3:19; and cf. Hebrews
12:6).
"The
rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself
bringeth his mother to shame" (Proverbs 29:15).
Such
severity must be used in his early years, before age and obstinacy have
hardened the child against the fear and smart of correction. Spare the rod, and
you spoil the child; use it not on him, and you lay up one
for your own back.
It
should hardly need pointing out that the above Scriptures are by no means
teaching that a reign of terror is to mark the home life. Children can be governed
and chastened in such a way that they lose not their respect and affection for
their parents. Beware of souring their temper by
unreasonable demands, or provoking their wrath by striking them to vent your
own rage. The parent is to punish a disobedient child not because he is angry,
but because it is right—because God requires it, and the welfare of the child
demands it. Never make a threat which you have no intention of executing, nor a
promise you do not mean to perform. Remember that for your
children to be well informed is good, but for them to be well controlled is
better.
Pay
close attention to the unconscious influences of a child’s surroundings. Study
how to make your home attractive, not by introducing carnal and worldly things,
but by noble ideals, by the inculcating of a spirit of
unselfishness, by genial and happy fellowship. Separate the little ones from
evil associates. Watch carefully the periodicals and books which come into your
home, the occasional guests which sit at your table, and the companionships
that your children form. Parents often carelessly let others have free access
to their children who undermine the parental authority, overturn the parental ideals, and sow seeds of frivolity and iniquity
before they are aware. Never let your child spend a night among strangers. So
train your children that your girls will be useful and helpful members of their
generation and your boys industrious and self-supporting.
Fourth,
the last and most important duty, respecting both the temporal and spiritual
good of your children, is fervent supplication to God for them; for without
this all the rest will be ineffectual. Means are unavailing unless the Lord
blesses them. The Throne of Grace is to be earnestly implored
that your efforts to bring up your children for God may be crowned with
success. True, there must be a humble submission to His sovereign will, a
bowing before the truth of Election. On the other hand, it is the privilege of
faith to lay hold of the Divine promises and to remember that the effectual
fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Of holy
Job it is recorded concerning his sons and daughters that he rose up early in
the morning and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them
all" (Job 1:5). prayerful
atmosphere should pervade the home and be breathed by all who share it.